Category: Life

“Questions. Queries. Posers.”
Number Five to Steve Guttenberg – ‘Short Circuit’.
John asks: Hi, can you please tell me how many brothers and sisters Kenny Kidna has?
Presumably, John’s seen the Kenny Fan Page, in which I’ve lately lost interest. A freeze-frame of the ‘Goodnight Kenny’ song in Channel 10 Perth tonight reveals the following names: Jenny, Joey, Sammy, Benny, Krissy, Stinky, Lindy, Johnny, Katy, and of, course, Kenny. So that’s 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9….. (yyyyawwwwn).
Pat asks: Can you tell me why we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Pat’s been thinking too much. And presumably having a hard time getting out of the estate.
Pat also asks: Why does DOT put up signs that say Road Construction ahead when they are usually re-constructing the road?
Where I live, at the moment, the DOT is actually spending most of its time in road destruction. I like the signs which say ‘Slow Men Working’ ‘cos you know its true.
Pat persists: Why doesn’t soap get less soapy as the bar gets smaller?
Presumably, if soap were to lose its soapiness in proportion to its size, you would be left with an infinitely soapy bar. Let me explain. Let’s assume that at the time of purchase, a bar of soap is at full size and full strength. When the soap is decreased to half its size, its soapiness is also decreased to half. The rate of decay of the soap is also halved, seeing as it is only giving off half its lather that that point. So, it will take twice as long for the bar of soap to be reduced by another half. Each shower not only decreases the bar, but also decreases its rate of de-saponification, and increases the amount of time it takes to halve the size again, so that you never get to the point where the soap is exhausted. Granted, by that time, the soap is about as cleansing as a cornflake, but you asked the question, Pat. I hope you can live with the truth.

More fuel to the ‘Simpsons vs. Shakespeare‘ debate. I love the quote here:
“The only thing that’s keeping them from being a piece of art like ‘Don Quixote’ or ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ is a couple hundred years”.
Check it out, Man.

A lot of people I’ve met in the Real World lately have been asking me what the significance of the elephant is on BONWAG.
Elephant? Huh? I looked everywhere for an elephant. There’s no elephant. Then, I looked at good old ‘bonwag.com‘.
For many years, it’s been languishing as a ‘site under construction’ because someone had registered the name in the early 90s, shortly after I set up BONWAG on ‘fairding.com’. (I thought ‘fairding.com’ was a more interesting domain to have, and didn’t bother registering ‘bonwag.com’ back then. Maybe I should have. I registered the domain ‘sothere.com’ at the same time, but that ended up being an excellent way to collect spam.)
I’ve been keeping an eye on the domain every couple of years, waiting for the registration to lapse so I can retrieve it, but the owner kept hold of it. Until recently, that is. There’s now a music site on ‘bonwag.com’, with a big ole elephant on the main page (With its trunk pointing upwards – that’s lucky, you know). Actually, technically, it’s a mammoth.
So, I guess ‘bonwag.com’ is lost to me, for the next few years, anyway. If you see more ‘branding’ around the site for ‘fairding.com’, that’s why. I think people have to start remembering ‘fairding.com’ rather than ‘bonwag’.
Looks like this is my second Great Internet Disappointment. (The first being a missed opportunity to join the team at ‘soulmates.com.au‘ on day one, which then went on to make millions. D’oh!)
So, welcome to FAIRDING.COM (home of BONWAG)

(Warning – this item contains the word ‘paradigm’. You have been warned.)
I don’t normally jump on Internet bandwagons this quickly, but I think this hayride is well overdue. I’ve been playing with this thing for a while, and I think the ‘StumbleUpon‘ folks are onto a winner. Here’s why.
I’ve really enjoyed using my Launchcast radio station (since introducing it a while back), mainly because it responds quite well to my listening habits. When you hear a song, if you like it, you click a button and then you’ll hear more songs like it, or (and this is the good bit) more songs suggested by people who like similar music to you. It’s that second bit I find the most intriguing – the idea that you’re not whittling your choices down, but expanding them based on the world-wide experiences of People Just Like Us. It’s the basic concept of the hugely successful Amazon.com, and well outside the paradigm of ‘non-net’ businesses and communities. It’s fascinating.
That’s why I think ‘StumbleUpon‘ is on a winner. It’s not just a links list with an ‘add’ button. It actually suggests websites for you to look at, based on your previous rankings, and (wait for it) based on the experiences of people who’ve ranked things similarly to you.
In fiddling about with it today, I found quite a few sites which were interesting, and even a few I’d forgotten to specifically look for at some time in the past (like the ‘pen-spinning’ site – man, I wish I knew how to do that. It’d look so cool in meetings.)
It’s a more organic version of BONWAG – normally, I see a site, and if I like it, I dump it in a bucket here for posterity. With StumbleUpon, it’s more of an organic, growing, unpredictable process. You (figuratively) stumble over stuff which other people throw in your path.
If you’re a more-than casual surfer, I’d recommend giving it a try. I’ve seen other versions of this idea in the past, but I believe the concept, and the simple execution, mean this’ll be around for a while. While you’re there, look me up (under bonwag, of course) and we can compare site lists. Make sure you give BONWAG a good ranking.
And watch your step!

Overheard in the customs lineup in Sydney this weekend: 3 ex-pat Brit fifty-somethings join the lineup, immediately behind me. It’s important you hear the Yorkshire accent here.
WOMAN: (deep sigh) Ok, now, I don’t want you two making any smart-arse remarks about the security arrangements. They don’t take too kindly to that sort of thing here.
MEN: Okay.
Pause – as the sniffer dog passes along the line.
WOMAN: Are they looking for food or drugs?
MAN 1: (pause)…Probably both.
MAN 2: (pause)…Clever pup.
Pause – the dog has passed
MAN 2: I don’t know why they choose labradors for that sort of job. They’ve done studies. Labradors are considered the most likely to take a bite out of you. The most vicious dogs. Apparently.
WOMAN: I don’t think that’s right.
MAN 2: It’s true.
MAN 1: That’s just not right. They’re the most easy-going, placid dogs you can get.
MAN 2: No, they’re really nasty if you get on the wrong side of them.
MAN1: You’re talking generally, though. That’s a generalisation.
MAN 2: … well, yeah.
MAN 1: Well, there you go. You’re generalising.
Very long pause.
MAN 2: (under his breath) … vicious, bloodsucking fiends….
I don’t know what it was about that exchange, but it kept me smiling all through the customs process. I think it was all about the timing of the pauses. Either that, or the fact I’d just come off a 15-hour flight, literally surrounded by a horde of pre-teen American ‘goodwill ambassadors’ en route to some camp in Homebush. My judgement was clouded.
Coincidentally enough, soon afterwards at the baggage claim, it was a beagle who started shouting at one of his fellow sniffers, a labrador, while I was waiting for my bag. Maybe it was a union demarcation issue. Who knows.

While Ainslie’s been under the microscope with Law exams this week, Caleb’s been inspired to compose some questions of his own. If you think you know Harry Potter as well as he does, try taking his Quiz.

I’ve started a new page, after finding a bit of work lying around the computer during a cleanup. In case anyone is interested, here’s where I’ve travelled the last few years. If anyone lives in any of those places, maybe it’s comforting to know you’ve been visited by me at some point. Conversely, perhaps it would help explain the strange fluctuations in housing prices in your area at about that time.

It’s a strange old world we live in. People start getting it into their heads to sue McDonald’s because they’re getting fat, and even start filming documentaries about it. McDonald’s, already in full swing with their ‘health kick’ as they fork over salads and ‘healthy breakfasts’, fire off a round of ads preaching the gospel of moderation.
Now, it seems that we’ve been wrong about French Fries all this time. Turns out they’re fresh vegetables, because of the way they’re rolled in starch, fried and frozen. Turns out that the whole point is to make them safe for storage, not (as we originally thought) to make them yummy. At least, that’s what the Frozen Potato Products Institute has told the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
Seems I can look the WA Health Department in the eye when they send their ‘2 and 5’ inspectors around to my house and solemnly affirm I’ve had at least one veggie today.
And, taking it to the next level, as suggested in the article, my Cherry Ripe counts as fruit.
What a great time in our history to be alive.

Just when you thought we’d exhausted the various ‘days’ for raising money for charity (Red Noses, Jeans for Genes, Daffodil Day, etc, etc…). Good old Wallace and Gromit come up with a new one – Wallace is a mad keen inventor, after all.
It’s a shame ‘Wrong Trousers Day‘ is only being celebrated in the UK. Nonetheless, be on the look out for poor trouser fashion choices come July 2. Be sure to point and shout proudly “It’s The Wrong Trousers!”

When life deals you broken eggs, you rustle up an omlette.
When Dan encountered a stuff-up at the local bakery in his shopping bag, he did the only sensible thing. I’d never considered slicing a loaf lengthways before, but having seen the glory and majesty of this particular culinary effort, I think he might be onto something. I’m off to ask the baker for a lengthways-sliced loaf of my own, I think.