On Air Horns

that air horn is blowing away

the clear thinking that’s needed to stop

the loud air horn from making itself the discussion

They Might Be Giants – “The Neck Rolls Aren’t Working


A Couple of Extra Verses: 2017

I argued for a plebiscite

We bickered to and fro

I played the man, ignored the ball

by post I voted No

And when I went to parliament

I shouted once again

“We’ll all be rooned come Christmastime”

I Am Australian


I am Katter kicking crocodiles

But letting blossoms bloom

I’m Broad amending motions

Just to keep it in the room

I am one of thirty eight percent

I lost the vote and ran

I’m Abbott In Absentia

I Am Australian


Edit for context: See ‘I Am Australian

Your Post-Eurovision Recriminations May Now Begin

We're coming after YOU
We’re coming after YOU

Australia’s 5th placing in Eurovision 2015 was an outstanding result for a first (and only) time contender. ‘Our’ performance in last night’s final proved that Guy was the right Guy for the job.

It was heartening to see Sweden (the winners) and Austria (the hosts) putting Australia first in their voting; but there are 4 nations who registered ‘nil points’ for the Aussies, and, in that light, their friendships should be reviewed:

PORTUGAL: I have some good friends in Portugal, what gives, guys? Boycott Nandos Chicken.

AZERBAIJAN and GEORGIA: come on, Turkey would have been totally cool with giving us some points they’d been here this year:

Glad we only gave you guys a point to share. We can’t really go after any of your multinationals, so let’s just be spiteful and rethink buying baklava.

CZECH REPUBLIC: Might be time to reconsider that Škoda.

UPDATE: It’s worth noting that the hosts, Austria, had the wurst score from the final, receiving not a sausage from their guests. That’s kinda rude, right? They can cry in their beer with their German friends, who also left voteless.

Five Long, Screechy Weeks

I’m sick of old politics, too; here, have a seed

It would have been nice to be rid of ‘old politics’, as Kevin promised, but at least we now have an election campaign behind us. It’s a decisive result which removes power from The Independents and puts it back with a political party that has some structural integrity and unarguable (if begrudging) electoral support.

If Kev had played the game, and not the man, with support from his team, he might have stood a chance, but a time in the wilderness will be good for Labor.

Let’s hope the country is still salvageable once Tony (and Tony’s replacement) have finished with it in a few years.

By then, my ears might have stopped ringing.

It’s On, But It’s Already Old

That didn’t take long. We’re only seconds into a new election campaign and Kevin Rudd is already reverting to Old Politics, even as he touts his New Way.

Says Kevin:

Tony Abbott has a different approach. He’ll bang on with the same negativity that we’re all sick of. He’s only got three word slogans because he doesn’t have the ticker to debate his real agenda.

It’s called Inoculation Theory: summarising and refuting your opponent’s arguments before they get to make them. It works if it’s done well, but if you’re going to throw in insults like ‘doesn’t have the ticker’, you’re not taking the high road. You just look asinine. This right here is exactly the sort of stuff people are sick of.

Also, to effectively rail against ‘three word slogans’, you’d do well to engage the treasury to do the math on your own slogan (‘A New Way’) or, maybe, just throwing it out there, forego one altogether.

If this is the voice of Kev’s New Politics, we have five long, screechy weeks ahead of us.