Category: Life

Let’s pretend that I am a great leader. My people are muttering about changing some of the rules I have to follow in leading my country. I don’t agree that that’s what has to happen, but I have to *appear* to be doing the right thing. What’s the best way of making sure I put myself in a win-win situation?
I set up a convention to discuss the new ideas. I tell the people that they’ll need to put up a good case FOR change if I’m going to accept it. THEN, just to make life even harder, I make sure that a good proportion of the people in the convention don’t want change either, so that they, like me, don’t want to see any constructive ideas come from the convention either.
Am I clever or what?

Here’s one of those little internet quirks: believe it or not, the number 3407371750 is a valid internet address for BONWAG: try typing it into your browser (no stupid mnemonics like www or http for us technaughts!) and see what happens!

I was born in the seventies, a child of the eighties, entrenched in the nineties. What happens post-Millennium? Is it the age of the noughties?
“A man doesn’t have any real wisdom until he thinks about indigestion before he eats instead of afterwards.”

Weather reports at the end of TV news are mostly a waste of time. Why spend 5 minutes telling me about atmospheric conditions when all I want to know is whether I have to dress dry or wet and hot or cold. At best it’s a good guess anyway. Now: when they have a weather machine to CAUSE the weather rather than predict it, I’ll be the first on their TV Phone Poll which asks the question “what should the weather be like tomorrow?”. I’d like that.

… the name of the little pixie which visits your computer keyboard when you’re away from it and flicks up just one of the legs so it goes off-balance as soon as you start typing.

Australia has the best national anthem on the planet: it’s positive and uplifting without being gung-ho, makes no mention of war or suffering, and can be sung by someone who has not undergone operatic training.

Another good way of making sure you’re awake for a Friday morning is to arrange for an ambulance to emerge from the fog and traffic on a collision course with you. Ensure the ambulance is speeding (preferably swerving) and with full siren and lights.

A good way to make sure you’re awake and alert for a Thursday morning in the office is to make sure you get a ride in a parking station lift with an attitude problem. Preferably one which falls from floor 11 to 7 very quickly, then slowly down PAST floor 5, then THUD, then slowly back up to floor 5 and up to floor 7 again. Follow it up with a jog down a few flights of stairs and you’re awake and ready to face the day!

Why is it that she’ll always cry for a bottle or a cuddle when we’re trying to get work done at home, but when we pay a babysitter to look after her while we go OUT to do some work she hardly makes a sound?

Latest news is that she’s drinking everything in sight, and is definitely going to be a singer – possibly opera. Anticipating future comment: the phrases ‘Allanah Banana’ and ‘Allanah in Pyjamas’ have been gazetted as ‘offensive language in the state of WA. Legislation is pending in the Eastern States.